Dear Mom
by Renesmee The Musical Werepire
Summary: Bella died giving birth to Renesmee. She's not really the daughter everyone would want. She sleeps around a lot including with some of Jacob's pack and drinks as well. Jacob is the only one who can make her happy, but he wants her in a real relationship.
1. Letter 1

September 13

Dear Mom,

I know, it's been so long since I've talked to you, but I don't have much time anymore to visit your grave, that dad insisted on putting in our back yard. Charlie still doesn't know about your real body being here, closed casket ceremony, remember? I'm 8 years old, looking about 16, life is different without you here. I wish I knew you. I feel so heavy with all this guilt on my shoulders. I feel like I've killed you myself. Dad and Jacob say I shouldn't think like that.

Jacob, yeah. He's been my best friend ever since you've died. He thinks we should go to the same school but dad isn't so sure. Jacob hasn't changed much, except he's gotten bigger in muscle. Billy died a few years after you did and Jacob's taking it hard. He decided to sell the house he spent his child hood days in. Grandma made him his own house on the reservation, didn't take too long considering she's a vampire. But the rest of the family moved to Alaska, leaving me and dad here.

Anyways, I think Dad's been taking today pretty hard. Ever since I woke up this morning, all he did was mope, mope, mope. I had to ask him three times what was for breakfast, he didn't answer and I decided to make my own. I knew why though, it's your birthday today. Mine was three days ago and I didn't ask for anything. I didn't expect anything either. Sometimes I wonder if dad actually hates me. I know what you're thinking "of course not, Renesmee! Why would you think such a thing?" maybe the fact that I killed you would be something.

Me? Well, i'm okay... sort of. Jacob's the only one to make me happy now a days. Other than that, I mostly... well, sleep around, I should say. Yeah, I lost my virginity not too long ago to someone in my history class. He just moved when I thought we were getting somewhere. So, that's what I do when I'm at a party: get drunk, fuck with a guy or two and just leave.

Does Jacob know about this? Yeah, he's the one who picks me up. I have no one else to call. The pack? Well... let's just say I slept with one or two of them... maybe more, almost the whole pack, even Quil. From what I can see, Jacob's fine. Not to say he's okay with it but he's taking me as lightly as possible. I know he doesn't want to be like my dad. He doesn't want to be over protective, but not care free either.

I try to hold in my depression as much as possible. I know, I'm not the kind of daughter you would want. I can't say that I haven't thought about suicide, but neither has dad. Some kind of promise you made him keep about me or something.

How was my day? Okay, here's how it goes: I got up, got dressed, watched dad mope, eat breakfast, the usual for a Sunday. I went to Jacob's house too, and we hung out in his new garage.

"Jacob," I asked. He looked at me while wiping the oil off his hands. "Did you ever think about opening a business and... getting paid for what you do? It's nice and all that you're doing it all for free but..." he pursed his lips and looked at me for a second.

"To be honest, I have." He said.

"Why don't you consider it then?" I asked. He shrugged.

"I don't have the time or patience of it, Nessie." (You probably have guessed Jake gave me that nick name, I hope you don't mind it.) "I have the pack, bills, you—,"

"You don't have to take care of me, Jake. That's my dad's job." He got out some soda for himself and a cold bottle of water for me. I hated the taste of soda, I guess it's because I'm part vampire. It's so sweet, too sweet for my taste.

"Still, I have too much on my plate. Even if I subtract you, I still have too much here." I sighed and took a swig of my water. Then looked at it for a second and frowned.

"Have any beer?" I asked. He sighed and rolled his eyes.

"No alcohol, Ness." I pouted and took another swig. We were silent, a little uncomfortable for my liking.

"So... any bonfires coming up?" he shook his head.

"The next one is in a week from now. Bur you have a math test to study for." It was weird how Jacob knew my schedule better than I did. Maybe he looked at my planner more than once or twice, maybe he stalked me at school, I don't know.

"But I'll study on Saturday!" he sighed.

"Fine, fail." I giggled.

"I'm okay with math anyways, Jake." I stated. He nodded.

"That's true." He said. He got back to work and then I went inside to make him lunch.

When I boiled pasta for him, he came inside and sat down. Then he asked me the weirdest thing:

"Have you ever considered _dating_?" he asked out of random. I almost dropped the spoon I was holding. I turned to him. "You know, like a real relationship instead of a one night stand?" I laughed a little, without humour.

"I don't have one night stands _all the time,"_ I argued. "I've been with Embry more than once." Yeah, apparently Embry has been my voted favourite. Him next to Quil. I turned back around to continue stirring the pasta. I didn't want to look at his face when I brought up me sleeping with his friends.

"But, Ness, don't you want _more_ than that? Like, someone you can just... cry to or just, talk?"

"I have you." I pointed out.

"But we're not in a _relationship_, I'm your friend. Maybe I described that wrong." He bit his lip...

Mom, has Jacob ever been in a relationship before? It didn't look like it.

"Jacob, I don't need someone to take care of me or anything. I have you and dad." I smiled and started serving him the spaghetti.

"Yeah but don't you want someone to... hold your hand? Kiss you and love you?" I bit my lip. I haven't really given much thought into it, to tell the truth. Then something caught me off guard.

"Are you saying I should _date_ you?" I squinted my eyes in suspicion. He was stuffing his mouth with the food I gave him and he held out his hands in defence. I waited for him to swallow.

"No," he said. "I'm just saying that maybe you should... give it some thought, you know?"

"Does _Embry_ want a relationship?" I know it'd be typical for Embry to talk to Jacob about that, but never something about a relationship. He shrugged.

"He never mentioned it, but it's a start." I sighed.

"Okay, fine." I said, sitting down in front of him. "If you're okay with me going out with your friend—,"

"Wait, no, Embry's no good." I raised one eye brow. "He'll just want to fuck all the time..." I buried my head into my hands. That was true.

"I really don't care, Jake." I said. "I don't _need _a relationship."

"But it'd be good for you." He started raising his voice. I got up from the table.

"Are you saying I'm not _normal_?" I asked. His eyes widened. He shook his head. "Jake, you're right. I'm _not_ normal. I'm half _vampire_ for crying out loud!"

I left the house then and just drove here. I took this piece of paper from the church, hope the pastor doesn't mind.

I'm here because I've been thinking about what Jacob said... about the relationship thing. I didn't want to be alone... for forever. Even if I have Jacob, he'll marry one day and he'll have no time for me. Gosh, I'll miss him...

So next time I see Embry, I'll talk to him about it. I know he may not be the best choice but he's the closest thing to a boyfriend I've got. I'm really only doing this because it's what Jacob wants to see. I'd do ANYTHING for Jake.

I better go take care of Dad.

Happy birthday, Renesmee Carlie Cullen

**AN: To continue showing my journal entries only, I need you guys to send me at least 3-10 reviews so I know you guys are reading this. So, yeah, please review. (I hope you don't mind the journal thing) feel free to check my other stories as well**

**-Nessie  
**


	2. Letter 2

**AN: Thanks to the awesome reviewers: bananasbff123, beautifulmonsters, TheSmallerGrayWolf, AshcobWolfChick, ScorpiousRoseLover and lavender sunset**

**Questions anwered: Yes, Jacob imprinted Renesmee, that's why they're best friends. Yes, Quil imprinted on Claire. I put Quil in there because I knew he was like the "ladies man" wanna be. He can't sleep with his 10 year old IMPRINT! **

**Anymore questions, I'll answer them :) Oh, and I may need some ideas, I'm going with the flow with this story and I'll TRY to update everyday as long as you REVIEW every day ;)  
**

* * *

September 17

Dear Mom,

I asked Embry about the relationship thing, I think he was cool with it. Jacob seemed proud of me so I guess it's all good. When I brought him over once to watch a movie, daddy seemed to grimace and shake his head, I don't know why.

I keep sleeping with him so i had to rethink being with him... I don't know how to break it to him. Embry kind of had a different definition for "relationship" then Jacob anyways:

Relationship (in Embry's dictionary): Having the girl only sleep with him and him only at every date and whenever possible.

Yeah, so that's out. Anyways, I met a new guy in our school. He came on Monday, he's kinda cute too. Blonde hair, sea blue eyes... dreamy, you know? Anyways, I haven't talked to him but I've smelt his blood... it's the most mouth watering scent ever...

The bad part is he sits beside me in almost all my classes. He keeps staring at me, I can even feel his eyes on me, like it's burning into my neck. At the same time it's annoying. I don't like to be stared at. He always looks at me shyly, and all the girls like him. Lauren, head cheerleader, kept telling him about how much of a slut I am. Okay, don't get me wrong, I slept with all her boyfriends and almost everyone at the school, but the word 'slut' really gets me angry. I know, I am one, but the word bothers me. Same with the word 'whore'.

So he kind of just joined the foot ball team and you know how all the guys on the football team are, they all fucked me. Yeah, so they were all talking to him about how "good in bed" I was. This boy, I don't really want to sleep with. I'm afraid that while we're at it, I'll want to drink his blood. I've already been through those things, where I almost kill the guy while kissing or having sex. Embry let me drink his blood sometimes, but only for a hickey. I'm okay with him and the other wolves' blood because it's kind of more bitter then the rest of the humans. So i can't nessicarily say I drank a human's blood before.

I came out here so I could talk to you before I start hunting, I need that lust for his blood to be gone. I haven't told Dad about it or Jacob, only because he was out when I ran to see him. He's the first person I let him know everything. Dad and I aren't tight like me and Jake, Jake and I are joined at the hip but Dad and I... that's a completely different story.

I can just imagine the new boy's blood now: the sweetness rushing down my throat, quenching my thirst, him struggling for survival... I want that feeling so much, Mom.

In my head, I was plotting out everything, maybe I could attack him in front of the class, maybe in the janitor's closet, maybe in his bedroom when his parents think we're studying, i could just jump out the window before his parents could call the cops on me... then again, that would mean dad and I would have to run off and leave Jacob behind. I really don't want to do anything like that, Jacob's the world to me. I can't live without him, like I can't bear not to see him everyday. He's my best friend.

Anyways, what am I supposed to do? I wonder if Dad ever went through something like this... I'm going to have to talk to Jacob about that, he would know, right?

Well, I'm going to start hunting, my throat kills,

Love you, Renesmee Carlie Cullen

* * *

**Questions: Should Nessie keeps sleeping with Embry even if she wants to stop the "relationship"?What do you want to happen next? REVIEW AND ANSWER AND ASK**

**Try and get ALL of you to review :)**


	3. Letter 3

**AN**: **Yeah, LEMON here... wrote it myself (it wasn't fun, let me tell you that). If anyone else wants to try writing A lemon, review. Oh, and it's unlike Nessie would talk to her mom or write about her first time with Embry. Just a little image going on in her head as she's writing. Oh, and thanks for the ideas :) They just might help. So yeah, anyways, here's the chapter.**

_September 20_**  
**

Dear Mom,

I was finally able to talk to Jacob last night. I appoligized and made him his favourite dinner, mac and cheese.

I actually figured I'd take a break from school until I can calm myself around that boy yesturday. Embry and I got a TONNE of time to do it now.

I'm still trying to figure out a way to break things to Embry about this so called relationship. I'm mostly hoping that he will imprint soon so he could dump me, but there isn't a good chance that'll happen, imprinting I mean.

Anyways, I can tell that the pack dissaproves me and Embry. As Jacob was eating, I brought up Embry.

"Ness," he said with his mouth full. I waited for him to swallow. "I'm not sure if this is going well... You and Embry, I mean." I rolled my eyes.

"He's the closest thing I have to a boyfriend." I said.

"But... Don't you ever think that Embry's just using you for sex?" I shrugged.

"I don't mind." I said. "It's unlike Embry and I are going to get married!" he frowned and stayed silent. I don't know why.

As Jacob continued to eat, I thought about what he said. I thought back to our first time...

***

As soon as Jacob took me to the bonfire to see Embry, I could see the erection growing in his pants. It wasn't the first time that I've seen him like this but this time, I felt like I should respond back. Embry excused himself to use the washroom, I followed him, he was washing his hands when I came in. He stopped and stared at me in the mirror and faced me in person. He took a step to me, I was surprisingly turned on by him... He had a great body and everything, he was just different from all the boys I've fucked in the past.

Suddenly, Embry pushed me into the wall and attacked my lips. I automaticly responded with tongue as he did.

"Are we going to..." he whispered, undoing his pants.

"Yeah, we are." I took his pants and unziped and pulled them down for him. He did the same for me and quickly pleasures my breasts and Clit with his fingers. I moaned so loudly, he kept kissing me to be quiet but then he'd push harder. He insierted almost his whole hand into me, I came onto his hands and he licked it up, along with my Clit. I moaned Embry's name as he Licked me dry.

"Emmmmmmm..." I moaned.

"Ness, you feel so good! So wet!" he said as he burrows his whole face there. When he got up again, I bent down and sucked on his dick.

"FUCK! NESSIE! GOD!" he yelled. I used every move in the book on him ad then he came as well.

When I came up, he pushed me into the wall again and insirted himself in me. We both screamed. It was a good thing the rest of the pack were far from  
Here.

"Ness! You're so tight! You're killing me, arg!" he moaned thrusting into me. He hit all the right places.

"God! Embry! Harder! Faster!" I kept shouting. He hit the same spot that made me go crazy over and over. I screamed when I came and we both kept going until we just couldn't take it anymore. After he came for the sixth time and me the fifth, we were already on the floor, we just stopped. He stayed in me just for the heck of it.

"God... Quil wasn't kidding!" he said.

"I think that was the best sex I've ever had!" he smiled.

"So... If I want this again..." I laughed.

"Just call, I'm up for anything."

I don't know. Sure, I don't mind if Embry was using me for sex but... what about when he imprints? What am I supposed to do when that day comes? I knew Embry didn't imprint me, as far as I'm aware of, no one did.

"Maybe you could try... someone else?" he said as I took his dishes when he finished eating. I shrugged.

"Humans aren't good looking at all." I said. "Besides, they'll want me for the same reason Embry wants me."

"How many guys have you been with in your school?" he asked. I shrugged again.

"Um... the whole football and basket ball teams, some goth guys and pot heads..." his eyes widened.

"ALL of them?" he asked.

"Yeah, everyone hates me." he banged his fist on the table, which surprised me.

"Nessie, this HAS to stop!" he spat. "I can't handel you talking about my pack and sleeping with half the boys in your school!"

"Why does it matter to you?" I asked.

"You're my best friend and I care about you." It looked like he wanted to say something else.

"Don't lie to me Jake," I said. "Is there ANOTHER reason?" he rolled his eyes.

"I've seen what the pack's been thinking." he said. "I've got so many scenes of you giving them blow jobs and you screaming in my head. Hell, Embry and Quil are thinking of having a three some next." I raised my eye brows.

"Oh, that gives me something to look forward to."

"NOT THE POINT!" he said. I crossed my arms across my chest.

"Okay, so you want me to stop sleeping with your pack so you can have a peaceful life?" He didn't say or do anything. No nod, no smile or anything. I was clueless about what was going on... the only thing he did do was give me a look... one that I've never seen anyone, even embry, give me in my life. It was kind of scaring me so I said "What?" he kept staring until i waved my hand to his face.

"Oh..." he frowned. "Sorry... i was just dazed..." i nodded and sighed.

"Sorry, Jacob... I'm sorry I'm giving you a hard time right now." he shook his head.

"Don't be, my friends can't help but think about it." i giggled.

So now, I guess I'm just going to have to wait to break up with Embry now... I don't know if it'll hurt though... who knows. But i'm still curious about why the hell Jacob looked at me like that... he did again when I was leaving. Do you know? Maybe I'll ask Embry.

Love you, Nessie


	4. Letter 4

**AN: Thanks for the awesome reviews XD I know u guys are BEGGING to have Jacob and Nessie finally together... but you just have to wait :) (don't you just LOVE it when I tease you?) okay, so here's the next letter. Oh, and I'm wondering, do you think that i should sometimes just get away from letter form sometimes or write journal entries that Jacob wrote to see inside his own head? If you do, i'll make the next one for Jacob (I like writing Jacob POV stuff) anways, here u are :) **

September 20  
Dear mom,  
I finally decided to go to school today. I just thoght that maybe that new boy and I could, maybe not be friends but, get along.

You know, I've kind of been looking for a new fuck. I mean, Embry's great and all but sometimes I feel like we've done everything possible while having sex, even doggy style. I needed a new guy, I'm not saying that the new kid is that guy but he could be.

He didn't look at me twice. He walked in, his eyes widened in shock I was finally back and he took his seat beside me.

"Hi," I said. He looked at me, a little shocked i'm talking to him. "Im sorry I didn't introduce myself before... I'm Renesmee Cullen."

I held out my hand for him, he just stared.

"I'm Trevor." he said, his voice having a little English to it. We were silent after that when I looked away. He kept staring at me. I was usually used to it, but this was kind of wierd. Then he started laughing.

"What?" I asked.

"Um... Nothing it's just..." he smiled again. "I was kind of wondering if it's true you're the school slut." I nodded.

"as much as I hate the name, yes." he nodded, but didn't say anything else. I ignored the frown I saw he tried to hide.

"so," I said. "Now I'm wondering, where did you come from? Is it true you're from California?" he shook his head.

"No," he said. "I'm from Florida." I actually liked having a normal conversation with Trevor.

Captain of the foot ball team, Darian, asked me for a minute in the janitor's closet. I agreed with a smile and it was amazing. Still, he needed some new moves.

Trevor is actually a very different guy. Nice, sweet, you know? Another thing is this: he's a strict Catholic, he's Pastor Webber's nefew. But he's someone I think that will change me. I told Jacob that, but he just made a face.

I can't get Jacob's wierd expressions out of my head. The way he looks at me, it's so different from the way others look at me. He seems so proective now, it's scaring me.

I just don't understand it. Why is it that everytime I bring up another guy, he gets either a sad expression or he starts yelling at me. Shouldn't I be dad's job to? Not my best friend.

Ah, Dad... Dad is still so distant. The piano is either never played or is played with the saddist songs ever. When I was little, I wanted him to play a lullaby, he said no. When I begged, he yelled at me. I don't know what that's about, I asked Jacob and he told me that he made one for you... Boy, what I would give to listen to that song.

Daddy seemed to have lost his touch in happiest. I don't know what to do, I want him to be happy again and i can't, what should I do? Well, maybe I should be a better daughter. Give up sleeping with guys, Kill myself, I'll do anything to see Daddy happy. I just want him to smile for once.

Maybe I'll ask Alice, I'm sure I have her number somewhere. If anyone knows happy, it would be Alice. Jacob's no help so maybe i'll visit her, better yet. Trevor wants me feel like I should be a better person.

I don't know, Nessie

**AN: review review and tell me what u think about the first AN?**


	5. AN

**hey guys, i know you've been waiting for a while for the next chapter... thing is, I'm stuck... not to mention, I'm working on like, three other stories (Midnight moon, the twilight note book, and another story i may or may not publish)... so, SO sorry about the delay, so I'm going to have to put this story on hold until I can think of other ideas for this one. I have an idea of what to do later on but I don't know how to lead to it... sorry...**

**-Nessie**


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